It’s been a while since I have been in a position to post here. The last blog post was about preparing for transitions in living arrangements, and quite suddenly I was thrust into that exact situation. So, as I packed and unpacked I had time to think about this kind of transition.
And it came to me that it is like living on the flying trapeze bar. And I think it is especially poignant when thinking of caregivers and care receivers as partners in the performance on the high trapeze. Bear with me here. If you can visualize the set up… the trapeze swings, high above the net. One on each side of the arena. One for the care giver who is holding the care receiver and helping him to reach for the oncoming bar.
But in order to take hold of the oncoming bar, he must let go of the care giver and endure the untethered moment in time when he is between the two bars. Now, before you jump to the conclusion that I am talking about going from life through death to whatever is waiting, slow down!
Every transition feels like this trapeze act to your loved one. Every decision to move toward change is simply practice for the bigger transitions that are sure to come in the fullness of time. So try to remind yourself that every decision that forces change upon your care receiver (even when that change is obviously necessary) is like a breath-taking moment suspended in the air, waiting to see if he makes it safely to the other side.
And it seems to me that caregivers are putting in daily practices focused on holding on and letting go of their loved ones all the while reaching toward the next level of care. It is the daily diligence of practice that actually equips them for the next stage, just like the athletes on the flying trapeze practice endlessly to perfect the letting go and the reach and grasp. It is a spectacular show for the onlookers and curiosity-seekers. It is only when one is new to the life of a caregiver that he or she will realize how just daunting the task is.
Thank you for showing up every single day for your loved one. Even when you are tired and afraid. Your loved one thanks you for the safety and stability, even if they can’t tell you. What you are doing is repetitive, and physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting work,
Remember to be kind to yourself,
Wanda
P.S. New episodes on the Accidental Care Partners podcast are coming soon! Be watching…
